What personality type is your horse?

What personality type is your horse? Here we take a comical look at some of the most typical horse-type personalities most yards have to offer.

The Drama Queen, or King

I see a leaf and jump in the air; a height equivalent to a four-story building. I hack out with my head higher than an HGV, with my tail swinging from side to side, ready to whinny my heart out at the sight of another horse as I suffer from extreme anxiety. Grids could very well end your life, and don’t get me started on that wheelbarrow that’s moved 1cm to the left since last night.

I don’t like leaves, bin bags, poles in the school, empty sweet wrappers, my own shadow, wind, squirrels, rabbits, cars, vans, trucks, lorries, gates, dogs behind fences; well you get the point. If I hurt myself I’ll be ‘dog lame’ for a considerable period and expect plenty of praise to help me get better.

If it rains I will freeze to death, so I require layers of rugs or stabling until the awful weather has subsided. Anything new will take a lot of getting used to and I spend the majority of my life with my eyes popping from my skull as I experience difficulties that no other horses have to face. i.e removing a brightly coloured water bucket from my stable while being asked to stand still.

I’ll load, occasionally, but only after hours of reassurance that the box won’t ‘eat me up’ once I’m inside, then I probably won’t want to come home either.

I attach myself to anything with four legs within minutes of our meeting and will go to great lengths to make as much noise as I can when my latest partner in crime leaves my side for more than 60 seconds as I don’t like being on my own, especially in a stable block.

The Bomb Proof Plodder

You can take me anywhere and I hardly batter an eyelid. You may not be able to make a dressage grand prix horse out of me but hell, sure-fire you can ride me across any road you like. I’m not bothered by vehicles, small or large, and walk over grids and through farms like a dream.

I don’t need rugs, or any overly ambitious stable entertainment to keep me happy, as I’m easily pleased with a haynet and some water. I’m suitable for the most novice of owners and I hardly put a hoof wrong. A child can take me to and from the field with ease and my attitude stays the same all year round. I’m what my field mates owner would love their horse to be, happy, safe and sane. I’m easy to do in all ways, and I don’t mind the vet, farrier or dentist!

The Warrior

I drag you to and from the field. You’ll prefer to turn me out in a bridle, or perhaps a chifney. I stand proud in my paddock, as the sun shines down on my coat. I spend my days battling with other field mates for not only herd recognition but the best piece of grass.

I’ll be first out of the gate when it comes to bed time and woe betide you leaving me till last to feed. I kick my door in protest of the new horse, I prefer to give him, or her, the OK before they are let into the field.

I’m known in the herd for my speed, agility and down right stupidity. Riding me is somewhat entertaining as I’d prefer to demonstrate how ‘warrior like’ I can be, rather than listening to simple instructions from my rider. I spend a good period of my life on two legs (front or back) and prefer to stay that way. I am legend.

The Superstar

I go out competing most weekends and through the week, too. I win every class in sight. HOYS is an annual outing, and the odd trip to Olympia doesn’t go a miss. The judges and crowd love me.

I’ve been on the front cover of most magazines and just so happen to make my rider look like they know what they’re doing.

I stand in the field with several rugs on, even on the sunniest of days. I don’t like to fight, I prefer an extended trot with an arched neck and exaggerated hind movement across the field to show my worth.

My tack is worth more than your house, and my stable is pristine. I have a fancy show name that even my owner can’t pronounce, and I turn heads wherever I go. My owner covers me in bling and matching bandages, saddle pads and fly fringes.

The Stroppy Mare

Yes, so what I’m a mare, what’s it got to do with you?! I don’t like you unless you feed me or do something that will generally make me happy. I’m temporarily nice while my tummy is full, or I’m offered treats, but don’t expect much more beyond this.

I don’t want to be your friend, all I’d like is a set routine, for you to turn me out and let me bully my field mates and isolate myself. If you’d like to ride me then do so quickly and don’t expect me to follow behind another horse.

I don’t like you to touch my girth area, nor do I like rump scratches. I like my space so leave me in it, on my own. Please do not breed from me as it won’t ‘chill me out’ nor will it make me a happier horse!

I like geldings at select times of the breeding season only. I’ll kick you as soon as look at you if it’s not a convenient time in my breeding calendar which I manage myself and can switch on and off intermittently.

The alfa mare

If I were a human I’d be a sergeant, with my vast experience, command and respect in my community is something to be admired. I like all my fieldmates to know what I say goes and I’ll only be cooperative when it’s me that comes in first at bring-in time.

Hierarchy is life, please don’t introduce new fieldmates without considering how I will react first. I make wise decisions that have come with age and have fought long and hard to get where I am today. I have the right to snub and fend off any new horse I do not like, you have no right to question my actions.

My young stock may not be my own but I’ll make sure they know their place. Geldings may come and go, for them I do not necessarily care for, everyone needs to understand the only order in this field comes from me.